How Fucked Up Is Your Life?

Installation of this button is mandatory. No one has the capability to resist the big, red, shinny button.

Face it, our lives are so fucked up to the point where even our mom can't recognize its bloody battered face. However, there are always some stories that keep our spirits high and motivate us to move one step further to the horizon beyond. Sadly, this is not the occasion. Be warned, the passages below will only make you whine in your fetal position and you wish you have never read it. Wait, did I just smell chicken through my 50" inch monitor? Yes, I mean YOU!

Now picture yourself as the chicken. World hunger will be solved with people like you.

1. Today, I received my passport in my mail. They got my birthday date wrong. So, I took out the birth certificate I sent along with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for the past 19 years. Fuck my life.
2. Today, the girl I have a crush on rejected me because she wanted someone like "Edward". I asked who Edward was and she held up her copy of "Twilight". Apparently, I was beaten by a fictional vampire. Fuck my life.
3. Today, I finally had sex with my boyfriend of 4 years. I always wanted to wait until we're married but he convinced me otherwise. After we're done, he broke up with me and said he couldn't marry me because I was no longer pure. Fuck my life.
4. Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. When he reached an orgasm, he screamed at the top of his lung "Yes, Phoebe!". My name is not Phoebe. Phoebe is his sister. Fuck my life.
5. Today, my daughter asked me when was my first time having sex. I told her it was at the age of 22. Quickly, she replied, "I beat ya' record bitch" She is thirteen. Fuck my life.

I still have more but this post is too depressing. I need to stop myself and recollect my life in tears.